Do you ever notice that some folks you used to see regularly in church aren’t present any more? Do you say to yourself, “I really should give them a call,” but you don’t?
The purpose of this column is to stimulate you to make to make that call.
Several years ago, someone at my home church mentioned a couple we used to know who were no longer active in church. I did a little sleuthing and was able to obtain their phone number. When I got the husband on the line and identified myself, I chatted with him initially about our children who used to hang out together when they were teenagers. From there, we caught up on the rest of our families what he and I were doing now 20+ years later.
Toward the end of the call, I said, “I hear you haven’t been in church for a long time. Don’t you think you should get your act together and start coming again?”
Of course I said nothing of the sort. I didn’t even mention church, as I recall. But I did suggest it might be fun to catch up some Sunday morning with our wives and have breakfast together. He said that might be enjoyable but that he and his wife were pretty busy just now. Perhaps I could call another time.
Three weeks later, I called again only to find he and his wife were busy again. About a month later
after praying for God’s guidance, I was impressed to call again. This time he and his wife were avail-able. Our two families had breakfast in a local restaurant, me with a different wife from 20 years earlier, and we had a really enjoyable visit.
Toward the end of this encounter, I mentioned that our church had a free buffet meal every Wed-nesday evening and perhaps they might join Diane and me in the near future. A few weeks later, they did join us. We had great fellowship once again. But even better, some of the longtime members who were present also welcomed them.
After two or three of these Wednesday evening encounters, I said we’d love to have them join us in church some Sabbath morning. A few weeks later they joined us. They came sporadically at first, but now come quite regularly, and Diane and I have two new friends.
Perhaps this story reminds you of some folks from your church who’ve become inactive. Most churches have two to three times their active membership who are no longer active. If someone comes to mind you’d like to connect with, perhaps some of these ideas will help you get started.
Make a non-religious phone call. (Possible message: “What’s going on, _______? Haven’t seen you around for awhile. What’s new? Let’s get together some time.”) No texting or emails in the early going.
Schedule a connection. Try for a casual encounter, perhaps at a Starbucks or some other nearby hot (or cold) drink place. Or you might opt for a Sunday morning breakfast. But no fancy restaurants or invites to your house or church. Not yet unless your prospect says, “I sure do miss church.”
Touch Your Prospect. Handshakes, hugs, whatever seems appropriate. Remember that God’s love will be flowing through all of these connections, including your tone of voice if, say, the telephone precludes your being physically present because prospect has moved away.
Keep asking questions—caring questions. “How’s everything going in your life?” Areas to ask about: family and work. “How’s Hank? What’s up with Jimmy & Susie? Anything new at work?”
Maintain good eye contact, smile. These expressions convey empathy, show that you care. (P.S. If you smile even though you’re on the phone, your voice will make your connection more winsome).
Keep listening & asking followup questions. Listen for problems and pain. Famed theologian Francis Schaeffer once told his teenage son, “We help people find healing not by so much by what we tell them, but by listening to them.” Everyone has issues.
Pray silently. You’ll feel inadequate when you hear some of your contact’s complicated problems. So pray for wisdom and grace and for God’s blessing on your connection while it’s happening. Jesus promises to be your adequacy. “You are complete in Him.”—Colossians 2:10.
Schedule a next time. “Hey, this has been fun. Let’s get together again soon, okay?” Then ask what time of the month or day of the week is better for your prospect and indicate that you’ll be in touch in whatever time frame seems appropriate. Try to maintain the lead without being pushy.
Pray before, during, and after your connection. Someone has said, “Prayer is not so much preparing for battle; it IS the battle.” Plead the merits of Jesus’ shed blood that your prospect’s sins may be forgiven and that the Holy Spirit might be enabled to bless your contact (perhaps even your son, or daughter, or grandchild) in response to your intercessions. Pray even when everything looks hopeless. God promises to respond speedily to such prayers. (Luke 17:7-8).
Back off if your prospect shows no interest in connecting. The Holy Spirit will guide you in such matters. Perhaps down the road your prospect will be more receptive. Or perhaps the Lord has someone else in mind for you to connect with.
Always remember in connecting with inactive or former members, Jesus does the heavy lifting. All you need to do is be their friend. He promises, “I will seek that which was lost, and bring again, that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick.”—Ezekiel 34:16
Mike Jones leads seminars on reconnecting with inactive members. The story of his return to member- ship after 16 years away appears in his book, Sometimes I Don’t Feel Like Praying. Reach him at mjones@paclink.com or www.reconnectnow.org.
Wow! Really great ideas that are simple and fun. Thanks. I’ll try it.