Her divorce was still a very fresh wound when she began coming to church. She soaked up the hugs of welcome in the foyer, glowed over each new discovery in her Sabbath School class and was moved to tears by the music during worship. She felt she had finally arrived home! So when she read in the bulletin that there was going to be a fellowship potluck…
You can guess where this is going, can’t you? She spent both money and time that she didn’t have to prepare the most beautiful chicken enchiladas you have ever seen. She delivered them to the kitchen like a wise man delivering myrrh and didn’t even notice the subdued reaction of the women in the kitchen.
Once the blessing was said and the feasting had begun, she scanned the heavily laden serving tables for her dish. Oh well, she thought at first, there is still more food coming out…
Eventually, she ventured into the kitchen to investigate and quickly caught on to the fact that her dish had been set aside. It had not even been heated up, and it became apparent to her that the omission had been on purpose.
“Well, why would you bring meat?” one of the women asked her. “Don’t you know we are vegetarians here?” The newcomer was devastated and humiliated.
You may have heard of such stories – or even experienced something similar yourself. In my mind, it’s a classic example of the struggle between “doing what is right” (keeping meat off the potluck table) and being loving (putting out her dish). Really?? “Doing what is right” and being loving are mutually exclusive??
And, yes, while Jesus should be at the center of our thoughts and actions, you and I both know seemingly petty issues often crowd to the forefront, pushing Him aside. They’re common to all relationships, and our church is no exception.
I became a vegetarian at age 16 (much to the quiet dismay of my parents) so it has been a long time since I’ve had meat. While I actually would not have a “moral” problem with eating chicken enchiladas, can I be honest with you? It’s been so long… The idea just grosses me out! I am one of those who would not appreciate accidentally getting chicken enchiladas.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a health fanatic. (As I explained to my neighbor recently, “I’m a vegetarian, but I haven’t given up sugar!”) Even so, I am fairly health conscious and am also, among other things, the Health Ministries Director for the Oregon Conference. I wish Adventist church potlucks were consistently a gorgeous display of the most creative, appealing plant-based cuisine you can imagine. There is clearly some work to do here – some educating, some culture change.
Even then, however, the question would still be with us, the question this blog is built on: What does loving someone look like in this case? If you put out the chicken enchiladas and nobody took any, and she found out later that most people there were vegetarians, couldn’t that be just as embarrassing for her? Could it be that some “loving” could be done ahead of time in the form of some education and consensus building? But even after doing that, if someone brings chicken enchiladas – or cheese enchiladas, or Jello salad or a sugary dessert – what is the appropriate, loving response? What if it’s a person who “knows better”?
Many of our churches do not have these problems, however some of our people do need to hear from YOU about this…
I’d love to see your comments below. It may take a day or so for them to appear, but they will.
Many years ago, my newly-wed cousin and his 18 year old wife brought chili to a family potluck. Most of us were vegetarians, but apparently this fact had been missed by the new bride. As the food was passed around, the chili (with real meat) found its way onto many vegetarian plates. As I began to eat, it occurred to me that the “vegeburger” in the chili seemed a bit tough. Then word began to spread that it was the “real thing.” I continued to finish the small serving while my mother glared at me across the table. What to do!! The moment passed and nothing more has been said in the interim (and I’m still alive).
In college, a group of those of us in a Home Economics class were invited to attend a County Home Ec group that taught low-income women to use commodoty foods. We were not told to expect lunch, but there it was - turkey loaf that was proudly presented by the women’s group as their special recipe. About half of the college group were vegetarians and about half were not. We discretely “traded servings” and all was eaten.
While it seems unlikely that a non-Adventist would find their way to an SDA church on Saturday morning with no guidance and no previous “contact,” even when this happens things can be discretely handled. Perhaps it was the unkind remark from the church lady that caused the hurt feelings. Perhaps the chicken dish could have been directed to known non-vegetarians, with a kind explanation to the visitor that the usual practice is vegetarian fare, but her dish was certainly enjoyed by those present who are not vegetarians. After all, Jesus ate fish, even after His resurrection (Luke 24:42).
We should not make a moral issue (or caustic remarks) about these faux pas. If the church community is particularly sensitive about these issues, perhaps the bulletin announcement should anounce the potuck to be vegetarian.
I was attending an SDA Church in the Washington Conference (Still am-just a different church.)
Some friends of mine at this church had started a program at this church to feed the homeless, and less fortunate in our area.
Imagine my surprise when Thanksgiving came around and the leaders of this program were told that, while they were ‘cleared’ to use the church facilities they would not be allowed to cook the turkeys at the church.
The leaders of the program then came up with the idea of cooking the turkeys at home, and then bring them into the church kitchen and keep them warm as guests arrived.
Guess what? They were emphatically told, “No!”.
It was at that point in my life that I started asking myself if I really wanted to be associated with such a selfish group of believers, as these SDA’s, since it had onlybeen a couple years prior to that that I was baptized.
After going to several different churches, I figured out that there were going to be ’speed bumps’ like this no matter where I attended church….I was right, but I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere.
(And for the record, I am not a vegetarian-If God leads me to be, then I will. But not until then.)
At our church we have many that are not vegetarians so we make a practice of labeling the food with the meat involved or vegetarian. No one seems to have a problem with it and visitors are happy to know they can have meat dishes if they desire.
We sing “Amazing Grace” but forget what we are singing. We tend to sing the words but practice “Amazing Pic-a-part Others” or we sing about Amazing how far they have fallen and I am better than they. Amazing Grace God has for me, let me have the same grace and practice toward others.
The truth, shared in love and with love seemed to work for Jesus…
Right on!
I agree with Myrna’s comments. Non vegetarians can be a big help here.
If you go to church in Hawaii and stay for there great potlucks, there is a good chance there will be fish on the menue.
When invited for a meal at someone’s house who might not know I am a vegetarian, I say..”Man, you are brave to invite a couple of vegetarians over for dinner, but don’t worry, we eat lots of things. Once, when asked what we ate for Thanksgiving, I proceeded to describe a turkey made out of peanut butter: I went on and on as her eyes got bigger and bigger. Finally she burst out laughing when she realized what I was doing. To this day she laughs about it! I think we are too sensitive to it. Some people don’t eat gluten, others peanuts, and still others meat! It’s no big deal, except if we make people feel like they are inadequate if they do eat meat.
Mrs White said it’s best to make dietary changes gently so as not to cause shock and injury to health. She herself never became vegan, maybe because she couldn’t digest beans, a vegan staple. Not everyone can live by the strictest standards.
Our church is intentionally winning friends to Jesus. We conduct neighborhood outreach door to door, classes to meet local family needs, huge, daytime Bible studies in public places, etc. We have a large amount of non-SDAs attending, so we kindly accept both veggie and meaty dishes, which are clearly marked at potluck.
PTL our members are not judgemental, but chose rather to be patient with those who are growing into all truth, and health.